the first half of february is/was miserable. it's a month needing to be written down. it threw me away like a piece of chocolate given to an anorexic, empty as a shed of snake skin we found on the sidewalk. i am disintegrating into fragments like bubbles drying up on your toilet floor. bitter that it melted my heart into stone. i try not to count the days but the truth is otherwise. i wish i could smoke like a chimney instead of driving with tears falling off my face. i felt like a crumpled paper under the table instantly highschool all over again. you will never understand cause that's what i'm aiming for.